Jerry is a Licensed Psychologist and founder of Cedarbrook Center. He has over 30 years experience working with children and families as a teacher, school principal, and psychologist.
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Every now and then I come across an article I wish I had written. This one is The Business of ADHD by Child Psychiatrist Winston Chung, MD. If I had written it, I would have titled it ADHD Greed.
Three highlights are:
For years I have been critical of these three "epidemics" which I call "diagnosis du jour".
I recently proposed that children (of every age) use a Four Word Phrase when confronted with difficulties. The phrase(s) indicate something about their attitudes, self concept, and how they perceive their environment. I had suggested that children learn these phrases from The Child & Adolescent Guide for Manipulating Adults but really they learn them from us -- their parents and teachers. Here are what some people submitted as "magic phrases" and my quick analysis of what it tells us about the child and his/her environment.
|
Dimensions shown by use of Four Word Phrases |
|||
|---|---|---|---|
|
Phrase(s) |
Attitude |
Self-concept |
Perception of Environment |
|
It won't happen again. I am so sorry. |
assertive & taking personal responsibility |
capable and positive |
peaceful / reconciling |
|
I am not sure. I didn't mean to. |
passive |
powerless actor |
unclear |
|
I forgot my meds. It wasn't my fault. |
passive-aggressive |
powerless victim |
blaming |
|
I have a gun. Don't mess with me |
aggressive |
defeated | hostile |
Now this is just a quick classification - I'd be open to hearing clarifications and improvements to the above.
Whether the above is accurate or not, the point I want to make is that the phrases people use "to get out of trouble" tell us something about them. It also tells us something about ourselves - because they learn them from us.
For example. how many times have you heard a student say "I forgot my meds"? And how many times have you heard a teacher say under his/her breath or to a co-worker "He needs his meds"? I bet there is a high correlation between the two.
We don't think we are teaching kids all the time, but we teach as much by the content of our character as we do by the content of our curriculum. We teach as much by our interactions WITH students as we do by our presentations TO them.
I'll discuss this more in the next article.
According to “The Child & Adolescent Guide for Manipulating Adults” it's supposed to be a free pass. The magic four words that get a student out of every difficulty.
Forgot your homework? Just mention this four word phrase and all is supposed to be forgiven. Disrupting the classroom or in trouble with your teacher? Yes, the magic phrase should work. At least it is worth a try.
In trouble on the playground? Give the phrase a try.
Mom or dad upset with you for disrespectful behavior? Right again. The phrase should get you out of most difficulties you encounter with adults.
Readers, what's your guess as to the magic phrase? And since there really is no published “Guide for Manipulating Adults” how do kids learn the phrase? And why does it work?